Growing up with a narcissistic parent
Growing Up with a Narcissistic Parent: How It Impacts You as an Adult (and What You Can Do About It)
If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, the effects don’t stop in childhood. Even years later, you may find yourself doubting your instincts, second-guessing your needs, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions. Narcissistic parenting doesn’t just cause stress in the moment—it can shape your entire sense of self.
Many adult children of narcissistic parents struggle with anxiety, people-pleasing, low self-worth, and a chronic feeling of never being “enough.” These patterns are not personal flaws—they’re survival strategies you developed in an emotionally unsafe environment.
In this post, we’ll explore how narcissistic parenting affects adult children, what it might look like in your day-to-day life, and—most importantly—what you can do to begin healing.
What Is a Narcissistic Parent?
Narcissistic parents often use their children to meet their own emotional needs. They may appear charming or well-put-together to the outside world but behave very differently at home. Some common traits include:
Making love and approval conditional
Reacting with anger or guilt when you assert boundaries
Dismissing or rewriting your emotional experiences
Expecting obedience or emotional caretaking
Shaming or undermining your autonomy
Centering themselves in every interaction
Narcissistic parenting can be overt or covert, but the result is often the same: the child learns that their needs and feelings are secondary—or even dangerous.
How It Shows Up in Adulthood
The wounds of narcissistic parenting often resurface in subtle but powerful ways. You might:
Feel guilty for saying no or putting yourself first
Constantly second-guess your decisions
Struggle with boundaries in relationships
Take on emotional responsibility for others
Feel anxious, overwhelmed, or emotionally “blank”
Stay in unhealthy relationships because you fear conflict or abandonment
These patterns don’t mean you’re broken. They mean your nervous system adapted to an unpredictable emotional environment. Now, you get to choose a different way forward.
What You Can Do to Begin Healing
1. Stop Questioning Your Reality
Narcissistic parents often gaslight their children—minimizing harm, denying past events, or blaming the child for their own outbursts. If you find yourself wondering “Was it really that bad?”—that’s part of the damage. You don’t need more proof. Your memories, feelings, and pain are valid. You are allowed to tell the truth about what happened.
2. Define Who You Are—Not Who You Had to Be
In a narcissistic family system, children are often assigned roles: the caretaker, the high achiever, the peacekeeper. These roles help maintain the parent’s needs, but they come at the cost of your authenticity. Healing involves stepping out of those survival identities and discovering who you are when you’re not performing or managing someone else’s emotions.
Start small: What do you enjoy? What makes you feel safe, or curious, or alive? Your true self isn’t gone—it’s just been buried under years of adaptation.
3. Set Boundaries Without Justifying Them
Boundaries are a form of self-respect, not rejection. Whether it’s limiting contact, saying no to certain topics, or going low/no contact, your boundary doesn’t need to be explained to be valid. You get to protect your energy, even if others don’t understand.
4. Seek Relationships That Feel Mutual
After years of emotional imbalance, healthy relationships can feel unfamiliar—or even boring. But safety isn’t boring. It’s a sign that your nervous system is learning what it’s like to be in connection without performance or fear.
5. Work With a Therapist Who Understands Narcissistic Family Systems
A therapist can help you identify the patterns, rewrite the internalized narratives, and process the trauma of being emotionally neglected or manipulated. EMDR therapy is particularly effective for this kind of relational trauma, helping you reduce reactivity and reconnect with your core self.
You’re Allowed to Be the Main Character in Your Own Life
You are not too sensitive. You are not selfish for setting limits. You are not wrong for wanting to be seen and respected. If you’ve spent years shrinking yourself to keep the peace, this is your invitation to take up space.
Therapy Can Help You Break the Cycle
I work with adult women who were raised by narcissistic, emotionally immature, or controlling parents. Through EMDR therapy and trauma-informed care, we focus on untangling the roots of anxiety, shame, and relational patterns that no longer serve you.
Online therapy sessions available in Michigan, Texas, Colorado, South Carolina, Missouri, and North Carolina.
📍 Ready to begin untangling what’s yours—and what never was?