Tired of Feeling Like a Hot Mess? Let’s Talk About Self-Esteem and EMDR
If you’ve ever looked around and felt like every other woman has it together while you’re silently battling self-doubt, you’re not alone. Whether it shows up in the form of people-pleasing, perfectionism, comparison, or the belief that you’re never quite “enough,” low self-esteem can quietly shape our lives in powerful ways.
As a trauma-informed EMDR therapist for women, I’ve worked with countless women who carry stories of not being seen, validated, or encouraged—and who have learned to shrink themselves just to survive. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. This is your invitation to embrace your story, your strength, and your voice.
Low self-esteem isn’t just about not liking how you look in a photo or doubting yourself before a presentation. It often has roots in:
• Childhood messages about worth, success, or lovability
• Relational trauma from emotionally unavailable or critical caregivers
• Cultural pressures to look, speak, or act a certain way
• Racial, gender, or identity-based discrimination
• Unprocessed trauma that keeps the nervous system stuck in self-protection
These deeper patterns often lead to beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t matter,” or “I have to earn love.” EMDR therapy helps target and transform these core beliefs by getting to the source—not just managing symptoms.
My Story: Learning to Take Up Space
In my own journey, I used to think confidence meant performing well and keeping it together. I prided myself on productivity, but inside, I was burnt out and disconnected from who I really was. It wasn’t until I began doing the deeper work—acknowledging the ways I abandoned myself to feel safe or accepted—that I started to shift.
What helped? Learning to get curious about my inner critic. Creating space for my emotions. Reconnecting with the younger parts of myself that learned to survive by blending in.
Therapy helped me see that my patterns made sense—and that healing didn’t require me to become someone else. It simply asked me to come home to myself.
1. Name the Inner Critic—Then Question It
Start noticing when your inner voice says, “You can’t do that,” or “You’re too much.” Ask yourself: Whose voice is that? Is it true? Would I say that to a friend?
2. Keep a “Self-Worth File”
Screenshot kind messages, save positive feedback, and track your wins—no matter how small. It’s easy to forget what’s true when you’re stuck in self-doubt.
3. Practice Small Acts of Boldness
Say no. Wear the outfit. Post the thing. Set the boundary. Boldness doesn’t mean being fearless—it means honoring yourself, even with fear present.
4. Start Healing the Root, Not Just the Surface
If old wounds are still driving your self-perception, trauma-informed therapy can help. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps desensitize the emotional intensity of past experiences and reshape how you see yourself.
5. Surround Yourself with Mirrors, Not Critics
Spend time with people who reflect back your light. Limit contact with those who make you question your worth or feel small.
What the Research Says
According to research published in The Journal of Counseling Psychology, women with strong internalized beliefs about self-worth are more likely to have healthier boundaries, greater resilience, and improved emotional well-being. EMDR, especially when combined with somatic and cognitive approaches, has been shown to help reduce negative self-perceptions and build a more integrated sense of identity (Shapiro, 2018).
You Deserve to Feel at Home in Yourself
Healing self-esteem is not about becoming more likable or impressive—it’s about becoming more you. And that version of you? She’s powerful. She’s worthy. She doesn’t have to prove anything to belong.
If you’re ready to stop living by shame and start building a relationship with yourself rooted in self-respect, compassion, and confidence, EMDR therapy can help.
Ready to Begin?
I offer online EMDR therapy for women seeking support with self-esteem, boundaries, and healing from past trauma. If you’re looking for an EMDR therapist who understands the unique challenges women face, I’d be honored to support your journey.
