Why Is It So Hard to Sit Still?
Why Is It So Hard to Sit Still?
How Therapy Can Help You Understand What’s Beneath the Restlessness
You’re not lazy. You’re not unfocused. And you’re definitely not alone.
Many women I work with say the same thing:
“I can’t sit still. The moment I stop moving, I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin.”
On the surface, it might seem like a concentration issue or just a modern reaction to being “too busy.” But often, the inability to slow down—even just for a moment—is tied to something deeper: a nervous system that never learned it was safe to rest.
Let’s unpack this.
What It Feels Like to Struggle with Stillness
You might notice:
A constant need to stay busy, even during downtime
Feeling anxious when you sit alone without a screen, task, or distraction
Restlessness during activities like meditation or even watching TV
A sense of guilt when you’re not being productive
Physical tension, like a bouncing leg, clenched jaw, or tight shoulders
You may even catch yourself thinking things like:
“If I stop moving, everything will fall apart.”
“I’m being lazy right now.”
“I don’t know what to do with myself when there’s nothing to fix or finish.”
“I feel like I should be doing more.”
Stillness as a Trigger: What Trauma Has to Do With It
If your nervous system learned that stillness equals vulnerability—because in the past, quiet moments were paired with danger, emotional neglect, or feelings of worthlessness—it makes perfect sense that you’d resist slowing down.
Trauma isn’t just about what happened to you. It’s also about how your body stores those experiences. As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score, trauma can live in the nervous system long after the actual event has passed. When your body gets stuck in a state of chronic fight-or-flight, even neutral experiences like rest or stillness can feel threatening.
From a neurobiological standpoint, this happens because the amygdala—the brain’s fear center—may still be firing as though the danger is current. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for logic and regulation, often gets overridden. In other words, your body thinks it’s unsafe to stop, even if your mind knows it’s okay.
You might not be aware of any trauma at all. But for many women, emotional neglect, ongoing microaggressions, family dysfunction, or high-pressure environments can lead to a dysregulated nervous system that never feels “off duty.”
The Cultural Pressure to Stay Busy—Especially for Women
For women especially, the inability to rest isn’t always just about trauma. It’s also about what we’ve been taught.
Our culture rewards busyness and labels rest as laziness. From a young age, women are often expected to take care of others, anticipate needs, stay organized, manage the household, meet work demands, and perform emotionally—without ever showing signs of struggle. This pressure can be relentless and internalized.
Even when you want to rest, your brain may be racing with a running list:
Did I respond to that email?
What’s for dinner?
I still haven’t called Mom back.
The laundry. The dishes. The deadline.
These aren’t irrational worries. For many women, there genuinely isn’t enough time to get it all done. The labor—both visible and invisible—is real. But when your self-worth becomes tethered to productivity, or when slowing down feels like failure, something deeper is at play.
Therapy makes space for both truths: your life may be overfull and you still deserve rest. You don’t have to “earn” stillness by running yourself into the ground.
How Therapy Can Help You Understand—and Heal—Your Relationship with Stillness
In individual therapy, we create a safe space to notice what arises when you’re not moving. We might begin with gentle reflection: What happens in your body when you sit still? What emotions come up? What does your inner voice say?
Then, using a trauma-informed approach, we explore the roots of that discomfort. We look at your history, your environment, your roles—and how your nervous system has been wired to keep going at all costs.
EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is especially helpful here. EMDR helps target and process the stored memories and body sensations that keep your nervous system on high alert. When those experiences are processed, your body and mind begin to recognize that it’s okay to be still—that you’re not in danger anymore.
In time, you may begin to feel:
More at ease in your own skin
Less driven by urgency or guilt
Able to rest without spiraling into anxiety or self-criticism
More connected to your emotions, rather than running from them
Safer, not just in the world—but with yourself
The Science of Rest: Why It’s Not Just “Nice to Have”
Rest is not indulgent. It’s biologically necessary. Our parasympathetic nervous system—sometimes called the “rest and digest” system—needs regular activation to support emotional regulation, digestion, immune function, and mental clarity.
When you’re constantly in motion, your nervous system stays locked in sympathetic activation (fight, flight, or freeze). Over time, this chronic activation contributes to fatigue, anxiety, sleep disturbances, burnout, and even autoimmune issues.
Learning to rest doesn’t mean giving up on your goals. It means working with your body instead of against it.
Therapy helps you reclaim stillness—not as a luxury, but as a form of resilience.
Stillness Doesn’t Have to Feel Unsafe Anymore
Restlessness isn’t just a bad habit. It’s often a clue that your system has been running on survival mode for far too long. Whether it’s trauma, perfectionism, or cultural expectations, therapy can help you reconnect with your body in a way that feels supportive and empowering.
If you’re tired of always being “on,” and you’re curious about what life might feel like with more peace, more choice, and more calm—therapy can help.
I offer individual therapy for adult women across Michigan, Missouri, Colorado, South Carolina, and Texas. Together, we can explore the roots of your restlessness, understand what’s driving it, and begin to shift your relationship with stillness. I integrate talk therapy, body-based work, and EMDR therapy to support healing that goes beyond the surface.
Ready to feel more at home in your own body?
Contact me today to schedule your first session or learn more about how therapy can support you.
